It is so hard to believe that my baby boy would be 7 today. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. It was unimaginably hard at first, however, I know now that I wouldn't change a thing. Not one day would be different. You may think that I am nuts for saying that. What mother in her right mind would choose, if she could go back and do it all again, to have her first born baby not come home, but go with God instead? As much as I wanted my son and was so devastated to have lost him, God knew what He was doing. I believe it was our greatest testament and show of our faith that we have faced. I think it was the closest that Jimmy and I have ever been. It was heart wrenching and horrible, however, because of it all, I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters. We would never have pursued adoption if Holden had survived, therefore I wouldn't have my Nevaeh. Sage may still have happened. Who knows about that, however, it wouldn't be the same.
So today I say Happy Birthday to my Holden James. Mommy loves you so much. I know you are safe and happy and loved and that makes every day just a little sweeter.
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I will never forget that day as long as I live nor will I forget the day Ab went to be with our Lord, but it comforts me to know that her and Holden are now together and watching over all of us. I love you!!!
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